I went to a party on saturday night. Among the guests were as per usual was this woman, whom I’ve met at least 6 times now and find awful. More so every time I see her, I realize. This kind of surprises me, that it’s actually possible to dislike her more each time. She’s very loud and she talks to you like you’re a rebellious teenager and she’s the mom who doesn’t “get” you. All in all, she constantly acts like a parent who’s crashing your movie night with your girlfriends. She constantly talks down to you and she never fails to make at least one remark that is anything but polite or kind. You sort of realize that she doesn’t get what a nuisance she is. It doesn’t make her any more tolerable, but I feel like she’s at least too ignorant to fully realize when I’m point blank ignoring her.
Every time I hear her speak I find myself wondering what is is that is so incredibly unnerving about her. Yesterday It all of a sudden dawned on me: she sounds like if my voice mail lady mated with a maybe a car or boat horn? Atonal, disconnected, blaring, droning on and on. Well, except my old voicemail never used to call me a one track minded freak to my face (ear) or ask me if I’m pregnant when I don’t drink or if I *always* wear dark lipstick like that?! At least I could press a button and make my voice mail go away instantly…
All of a sudden you realize how hard it is to keep in touch with people if there is any friction at all in doing so. Friction as in not being totally availiable all the time. I’m no longer someone even my friends will call to hang out. I guess that’s what happens when you work evenings for close to two years. I talked to a colleague about this today, who felt the same. People just stop asking you to go places and do things eventually. You’re no longer someone they ask to concerts or nights out. If plans are made, you’re not a factor in them anymore, you only get invited if you happen to hear about them when they’re finalized. Whenever I call my friends to do something, they already have plans together, without me.About 8 years ago I lost touch with several long time friends. I was going throug two different kinds of separations and I had no energy reaching out and keeping in touch regularly. I then realized that quite a few friendships were completely dependent on me keeping them alive. I lost those friendships during that year. How are you friends with someone who won’t call you or send you an email or a text, when you’re breaking into a million pieces, after you’ve picked them up after every crisis they’ve gone through? After every breakup, depression, atempted suicide or other failure, I was patiently there for them. I was sure they’d at least miss me and get in touch when I fell of the radar, but they never did. I can’t remember if it hurt, there was a lot of other hurt going on. But as I write about it I realize I’m still a bit disappointed. I guess I don’t like being completely insignificant in the lives of people I’ve known for a long time. It always makes me wonder if they never really liked me to begin with and are sort of relieved they don’t have to keep apperances up anymore. All in all, it’s a good thing I really like what I have chosen to work with, to make up for the losses. I’m also glad I have some great work mates at the moment, when a lot of other people are drifting away. I usually need a lot of time alone, which I guess comes in handy when the person I live with is asleep when I get home and get up before I awake. Never thought being a bit introverted would benefit me.
Some days are more successful then others. It’s a thin line to walk, keeping the references but avoid looking like I’ve stepped out of Hot Topic. I don’t mind the look, it’s just not me. It never really was. Some of the reasons for why I’ve always liked thrift shopping is that
- You can find really odd things that are on point for your style, but not EVERYONE in the scene already has. You’re a version of the look, not a clone
- Newly produced alternative clothes, produced larger than on an indie level, rarely exudes quality. It’s always cheap cotton blends with bad stiching, bad fit, and sloppy detailing. The prices are often quite high for what you get as far as materials go. If you pick up the hand me downs of some fab 80’s power dresser, you get a lot more wear out of your clothes. And you can wash them without them acting like they were melting.
- It’s fun looking for treasure. It’s fun to surprise your wardrobe with something you’d never dreamed up you needed before you found it.
The boots are form Clarks. They have scuba around the ankles (for a snug fit!) and fasten by velcro. Lord, I’m getting really lazy. Is that why you change your style gradually when you get older? You don’t have time to be tiered form some diet so you get a girdle. You don’t have time to have no energy so you work out. You don’t have time to get your rosaries and lace gloves stuck on everything so you reel your style in a bit. I have a pair of these with a lot of buckles but I seriously don’t have the patience to buckle and unbuckle several times every day and I hate zippers on boots. The bag is from Caia of Sweden and I love it. If I dress “grown up” in all sleek unadorned black it gives me a nice edge. If i dress in my leather biker jacket it doesn’t look like I’ve borrowed my mums fancy handbag.
Also, I have a very worrying new found love for natural colored leather. Still hate brown leather, but have a yearning for natural, by wear slightly cognac colored, leather. We’ll see where this unexpected turn of preferences end up.